Black Women, Do You Know When You Have Reached Your Sexual Prime?
It’s been said that men hit their sexual peak during their early twenties, and women are thought to have the best sex ever in their early thirties. But the truth is there is no magical age for hitting your sexual peak.
In fact, incredible sex has less to do with age and more to do with a host of factors, like:
- Hormonal state
- Body comfort
- Sexuality comfort
- The intimacy and trust shared between partners
The Truth About Intimacy
Your sexual stars can align at any age when you know the chemistry. However, past studies about sexual health were incomplete — leaving out critical information necessary to formulate that chemistry. That’s because many women at that time were unaware of the nature of orgasms, and in most cases, they had not even experienced one.
The good news is, today we know much more about the human body of both men and women. We now know, how women are sexually influenced by estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone levels. These hormone levels naturally fluctuate throughout our lives due to:
- Menstrual cycle
- Contraceptive use
The connection between your hormones and desire largely works like this:
- Estrogen levels ↓, desire ↓
- Progesterone levels ↑, desire ↓
- Testosterone levels ↑, desire ↑
Unlearn What You Have Been Told
If you grew up feeling ashamed of your sexual desires, you’re not alone. Now is the time to embrace who you, and learn to be comfortable in your skin because it’s ok to embrace our sexual nature. That includes accepting the following:
- Flaunt your best attributes and feel sexy
- Accept sex is a natural and pleasurable experience
- Expand your belief and experience about what sex is
- Explore multiple pleasure points
- Seek intimacy and expect to be pleased
Sexual desire can change as we age, and it can be good at every age. As your behaviors and body chemistry evolve, keep your thriving sex life in mind with the following suggestions.
When in your 20s, your biological drive to reproduce is in full swing if your sex drive is high but sexual pleasure is low — think about who you’re having sex with.Choose to a sexual partner you are comfortable expressing your needs with.
If your sex drive is low, your doctor can help you determine if you’re experiencing a hormonal imbalance or side effects from birth control, antidepressants or other medications.
When in your 30s, making time for sex is often difficult while you’re also building a career, being a parent, spending time with friends, and more. Stress often interferes will your ability to be fully present. The strain affects your endocrine system as your cortisol levels surge and your sex hormones are thrown out of balance. Pregnancy and breastfeeding also cause hormone levels to fluctuate, decreasing sexual desire.
Choose self-care activities that lower your stress like yoga, meditation, exercise, and rest. And yes, even masturbation. It’s healthy. In fact, a solo session can also help you feel sexy, which is a hard feeling to grasp when you’re stressed.
When in your 40s, your hormones change as you enter perimenopause. That can cause symptoms like vaginal dryness, mood changes, and weight gain. All of which may cause you to feel physically and psychologically less comfortable sexually.
Try switching up your sexual positions, use a lubricant, and if necessary, seek ways to work through psychological barriers and relax.
When in your 50s and beyond, menopause impacts natural vaginal lubrication and elasticity, which can make sexual penetration painful. Most women experience menopause in their early fifties. It’s important to speak with your partner about the issues you face and work together to find ways to accommodate your feelings and concerns. Keep in mind that it is never too late to try something new.
Open up to your friends for ideas and to find out what they’re experiencing in their sexual relationship. Speak with adults of all ages and backgrounds, not just those friends of a similar age. Good ideas can come from anyone. There are also books available to help you with tips to maintain a healthy sex life at any age.
The Bottom Line for All Ages
- Your age isn’t an indicator of how sexually fulfilled you are — or will be.
- If you have issues with being comfortable in your own skin, read These 10 Hacks Will Help You Love Your Body More.
- Seek emotional intimacy. The best sex happens when both partners feel comfortable and safe. Emotional intimacy leads to great sex.
- Don’t fake orgasms. Faking it is one way to guarantee that you won’t get your needs met.
- Ignite multiple senses simultaneously with an aphrodisiac massage oil like sandalwood or jasmine (smell) and sexual talk (hearing) while engaging in your favorite position.
- Focusing on achieving orgasms in multiple places like your neck, ears, navel, inner thighs, breast, anus or even your lips. You have multiple erogenous zones that can be stimulated simultaneously.
- Breathe, relax and enjoy the ride by fully trusting your partner which includes not being shy about your body.
When to Seek Professional Help
Don’t be afraid to get your mind, body — and hormone levels — checked out to ensure your whole-body health. Speak to a healthcare professional to help rule out underlying medical causes. You can also visit a sex therapist if you need help to unpack any underlying trauma, anger, stress, shame, or other negative emotions inhibiting your sex drive.
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